digital love...

As I sit in front of my computer screen, watching the season premier of gossip girl ::yes, I know, I’ve got to do better:: I listen, I reflect. On a number of things, like how my teenage years bear not the slightest semblance to Serena’s and Blair’s…yadda yadda, se la vie.  After that fleeting envious thought, I think about a conversation I had with a friend a few weeks back. Now before I get started, this person’s a really good friend of mine, and I told her I was going to write about her, so I hope this is fine :-/.  I’ll try to keep it light so I don’t ruffle any feathers…

My friend met a guy at a club and because I’m on a “Diff’rent World” high right now, we’re gonna call him Ron. She meets Ron, they talk, exchange numbers, get to know a little about each other. I talk to my friend a day or so later and she’s frustrated because with a common name like Ron, she can’t find him on facebook. Mind you, this conversation took place over text message, so I read the text and laughed a little to myself. I asked her why she’s looking for him on facebook…she has his number, there’s a breakfast date in the works…my sentiments are, whatever limited information you can get from facebook, he can tell you over breakfast. ::I say limited because 1. facebook lies and 2. who wants to date anyone who puts their whole life on facebook anyway!:: My friend’s very serious response to all this was, “I’m not dating anybody I can’t search on facebook.” I laughed very hard at this response and if I had the foresight of a Gossip Girl writer I would’ve said, “Cinderella didn’t google Prince Charming.” But because I don’t, I simply laughed and laughed some more. I might have even shaken my head once or twice. But like Serena tried to explain to Blair, and like I tried to explain to my very fly friend ::lol::, if you learn everything about a person before you get to know them, what kind of fun or dare I say “mystery” is there?

Now, to explore both sides of the coin, my friend just wanted to know a little about Ron and what she was getting into. Like she explained to me on her own defense, he could be a serial killer, a serious creeper, or at best, some kind of Casanova-type player. I’ll be the first to acknowledge the validity of these excuses, BUT again, “facebook lies” and the chances you’d meet and date a serial killer who wants to meet for breakfast are slim to none.

I’ve said all this to generate some kind of critique, not of my friend, but of the digital society in which we live. Yes, technology plays a dangerously wonderful role in our lives, but just how invasive is it? What place should it have in our relationships? Maybe I’m some kind of Elizabethan era romantic, longing for letters and more time-conscious shows of affection. But think, in this digital era, how much more special would a letter be than a text message? A phone call? I’ll admit, I like flowers and notes and letters. I’ll also admit that those aren’t things I’d want every day from a significant other, but facebook just seems so…overdone. Something personal, between me and him seems more romantic, more individual, more conscious. He thinks I’m special, I’m original, and not only does he show it, but I got it in writing! lol

truly.madly.deeply: i love

“I’d buy you rogaine, when you start losing all your hair
Sew on patches to all you tear
Cuz I love you more than I could ever promise
And you take me the way I am”

Yea, that’s how I feel about him…even though I don’t seem to sew that well and he doesn’t think he’ll ever lose his hair. The latter matters more to him than it ever will to me. He inspires me but I’m not sure what to write. Wait, because I think you misunderstood me. I’m writing this for me, but I’m not sure you would understand all that I’d write about him.

Where I’m at right now, it’s untouchable, and so if I tried to explain him to you, it would just sound or read like nonsense. He’s many streams of consciousness that always seem to collide. To borrow a line from a favorite song,

                         “love’s too weak to define just what you mean to me.”

So maybe you get it now, it’s not that I can’t, it’s quite explicitly, that I won’t. I know you want to know, but it’s really for your own good that I don’t tell you, that I don’t say anything because that’s when I say the most. If you look, not even too intently, you’ll see him on me. What I feel, somehow finds its way out. It radiates off of me. It’s like a humidifier in that way; it clears my air, helps me breathe. But if you think I need him you’re wrong because, you see, the shoe’s on the other foot.

What you should see is how he needs me. I’m a testament to his greatness. Without him, I’m me and without me, he’s him, but together it’s we. Like the color inside the lines, an uncolored book, is still what it is. But think what a few crayons and color pencils could do for it! We is the color of a drawing, the highlight on a page. We means, someone was here, they left a mark, and now, I will never be the same. It’s not just as good, it’s a lot closer to better.