true love: thoughts from she, thoughts of he

a reflection on what my daddy taught me...

Plain and simple, I love my daddy.

When I first started dating, my boyfriend expressed his fear of my dad. I laughed at this fear, laughed because my daddy plays the rough card, and very well might I add, but behind his often stoic veneer, my dad is cool, he’s funny, and the best addition to any friendship. My dad boasted for years of his guns and target practice but when I told my dad about my first boyfriend, he told me he liked who I liked, and until they gave him reason to dislike them, he trusted my choice. Essentially, my dad, the first man in my life, gave me the confidence and the courage to explore love, challenge what I knew of love, and to forego what others tried to sell me about my relationship with love; he instead taught me to replace love with what I thought it is and what I think it should be. These words and lessons I hold with me even today.

Last night, I talked with my best friend about SATC 2. She brought up the situation between Carrie and Big, where they were contemplating taking "days off" from their marriage. As I proceeded to to explain what I thought of this situation, my reply, though surprising to my girl, echoed what I believe were my daddy's words. Though Carrie's friends did not understand, and neither really did Carrie, she resolved that Big's proposition could be something that worked for her and her husband. This is the factor that proved most important.

Ask yourself, what works for you. Challenge yourself to challenge love as you currently know it, the love you have known, the love others have sold you. Trust yourself and do what works for you. We often, as women, rely on the opinions of our friends to gauge the validity and credibility of our actions, of our relationships, of ourselves. If it makes you happy, truly happy, not that "it makes                      happy, and thats good enough" happy or that "it's better than nothing" happy, but honest to goodness "it makes me happy" happy, let the situation work until it gives you reason to forsake it. Try not to presume its effects and guess where you'll end up after. Give yourself and your friends what my father gave me, confidence and courage to define your/their own love.

Happy Father's Day! 

mad with love: where i'm from

i wrote this one night, after a break up. at the time, he was what i wanted, what i thought i needed. this he was one of many who helped shape a she, a she that finds compliment in a man and not complement. a she that sees when he isn't meant to be. but finally, a she that knows love, how to give it and how to receive it.

a look into my thoughts that helped to shape this present past...

4/06

I want to move on but it doesn't seem to be working out. About six months of my time I devoted to him; exchanged sweet nothings all for nothing because here I am today. Dare I say it, a woman scorned. He told me he loved me, but that had to be a lie. Because if he loved me how could he just sever ties with me? How could he be in my space and not look at my face, how dare he say "what's up" how dare he utter my name from those lips. Those lips that lie, that falsify the truth.

Just tell me straight. Tell me sideways, backwards, but tell me something! I shed no tears for no man; no woman, NO CRY. He aint worth my tears. Yes he used and abused my time, yes he selfishly kept me to himself, kept me wrapped in his smile, feigned jealousy...because this couldn't be real. Soon someone will yell "cut" or pinch me to liberate me from this bad dream. You loved me right? Why? And how could you throw those things away? You know, I'm through with the page-long vents about you and the wrong you've done, because Mya said it best, "I'm Movin' On"