Because I'm black and proud, because I organize, because the lives black people matter...
Working on 2 posts, on black dolls and Walmart, cuz the money moving through Christmas has me feeling so many things
Monday, December 21, 2015
Thursday, June 18, 2015
on love: when the words don't form but there's a painful need to speak
I find myself disallowing myself to connect to the names, faces, experiences and connecting thread of the dead, dying and in danger and doing so in the name of walking in and observing peace. How do I allow myself to feel what comes naturally and continue to walk in and observe peace and love?
The brutal murders and subsequent dismissal of state and vigilante violence against me and my community has created a trauma that I have refused to let myself feel. Forgetting that I can only be healed from pain or injury that I allow myself to feel.
While scrolling through my instagram feed, I came across a hashtag that read, #saytheirnames. It hit me, all at once. I thought on them, I wrote them down, I whispered their names aloud. I reminded myself that these names are people of whom folks have fond memories. They are young and old, right and wrong...they have lives and experiences that people remember -- years of life connected to their existence, now forever a memory of violence tolerated and perpetrated by elected, appointed and entrusted offices.
It's enough to drive a person to insanity, enragement and all too often, inaction -- none of which I'd like to inhabit. How do I allow myself to feel fury because of these murders and continue to be motivated by love? In moments of stillness, I find myself disappointed in myself. How can I effectively organize and motivate and develop leaders as I grapple with this inability and hesitance to connect?
Currently, rebuilding my understanding of love and allowing myself to be motivated by a passion to work towards the just and equitable world society that I believe to be the perfect will of God. Asserting that love is a word of action -- loving too much to allow strategic and long-standing violence against blackness to persist. Prioritizing the values of community, peace and freedom in the face of tragedy and trauma that exists around me -- led by dreams and vision of stronger communities, families and individuals.
::reminding myself::
"choosing love we also choose to live in community, and that means we do not have to change by ourselves...The moment we choose to love we begin to move against domination, against oppression. The moment we choose to love we begin to move towards freedom"
- bell hooks
The brutal murders and subsequent dismissal of state and vigilante violence against me and my community has created a trauma that I have refused to let myself feel. Forgetting that I can only be healed from pain or injury that I allow myself to feel.
While scrolling through my instagram feed, I came across a hashtag that read, #saytheirnames. It hit me, all at once. I thought on them, I wrote them down, I whispered their names aloud. I reminded myself that these names are people of whom folks have fond memories. They are young and old, right and wrong...they have lives and experiences that people remember -- years of life connected to their existence, now forever a memory of violence tolerated and perpetrated by elected, appointed and entrusted offices.
It's enough to drive a person to insanity, enragement and all too often, inaction -- none of which I'd like to inhabit. How do I allow myself to feel fury because of these murders and continue to be motivated by love? In moments of stillness, I find myself disappointed in myself. How can I effectively organize and motivate and develop leaders as I grapple with this inability and hesitance to connect?
Currently, rebuilding my understanding of love and allowing myself to be motivated by a passion to work towards the just and equitable world society that I believe to be the perfect will of God. Asserting that love is a word of action -- loving too much to allow strategic and long-standing violence against blackness to persist. Prioritizing the values of community, peace and freedom in the face of tragedy and trauma that exists around me -- led by dreams and vision of stronger communities, families and individuals.
::reminding myself::
"choosing love we also choose to live in community, and that means we do not have to change by ourselves...The moment we choose to love we begin to move against domination, against oppression. The moment we choose to love we begin to move towards freedom"
- bell hooks
Saturday, October 20, 2012
My Thoughts: Progressing the Process
So it's 1:30 am and i have to be walking out of the house dressed and ready for work in 6 hours. However, like the night before last, I find myself restless, dreading the impending sound of the alarm clock. Tonight, instead of sleeping, I've spent most of my night perusing my seemingly endless twitter feed and browsing through other blogs to bookmark as I continue to break-in this new phone. And then I remember that I bought November issue mags and I begin to eagerly page through them. As my InStyle comes to an end, I graduate to the Vogue. I get through the first 5 pages of ads and remember why I don't spend my money on these. I bought this one for the same reason I buy any other Vogue, because of the cover. This one, Rihanna. As I arrive at her feature, I realize that I've already read this article, in its entirety, for free, on the web. There goes $4...
Tonight proved useful in a way. Through a hodge podge of unrelated events, other than their filing in the folder labeled "bored nights in," I've given myself a little time to reflect and be inspired. As I read through blogs and twitter, and even the mags, I carved out time to reflect on presenting my own story. I played around with the idea of a narrative theme, addressing the audience as the everpresent second person :: in a Carrie Bradshaw, SATC kind of way:: then I moved to a thematic pictures or meme frame of thought, followed by a few other thoughts. Now I'm thinking, what could be an end result? Where can I allow this to take me? If I aspire to one day soon submit an article to be published in some public way, other than here of course, will chronicling my experiences be helpful? Potentially. If article submissions turn into dreams of novel creation, then what? How would I build my skill to reach this point?
All this, to end on the same point, still unsure about a style or theme to run with but firmly understanding that, especially when I dont feel like it, I have to write. Different styles, a range of topics, put the pen to the pad, or in some cases, the thumbs to the touch screen, and write.
:: Guess if I'm going to achieve my goals, I might want to start setting some::
Tonight proved useful in a way. Through a hodge podge of unrelated events, other than their filing in the folder labeled "bored nights in," I've given myself a little time to reflect and be inspired. As I read through blogs and twitter, and even the mags, I carved out time to reflect on presenting my own story. I played around with the idea of a narrative theme, addressing the audience as the everpresent second person :: in a Carrie Bradshaw, SATC kind of way:: then I moved to a thematic pictures or meme frame of thought, followed by a few other thoughts. Now I'm thinking, what could be an end result? Where can I allow this to take me? If I aspire to one day soon submit an article to be published in some public way, other than here of course, will chronicling my experiences be helpful? Potentially. If article submissions turn into dreams of novel creation, then what? How would I build my skill to reach this point?
All this, to end on the same point, still unsure about a style or theme to run with but firmly understanding that, especially when I dont feel like it, I have to write. Different styles, a range of topics, put the pen to the pad, or in some cases, the thumbs to the touch screen, and write.
:: Guess if I'm going to achieve my goals, I might want to start setting some::
Sunday, October 14, 2012
back for another round
it feels so good to be back!
i feel like its been years since i've posted. honestly, i can say that it's because i lost confidence in what i had to share on this here blog. i was reading through some other posts that i've shared, from this, came that. love, and i stumbled upon a renewed sense of confidence :: lucky me, rite!::
i've realized though, that i probably should do some thinking and reshaping of want i want this space to represent for me and what kind of content i want to be shared here. im promising myself that it wont take another year and a half to get there!
-j
i feel like its been years since i've posted. honestly, i can say that it's because i lost confidence in what i had to share on this here blog. i was reading through some other posts that i've shared, from this, came that. love, and i stumbled upon a renewed sense of confidence :: lucky me, rite!::
i've realized though, that i probably should do some thinking and reshaping of want i want this space to represent for me and what kind of content i want to be shared here. im promising myself that it wont take another year and a half to get there!
-j
Thursday, June 16, 2011
to keep your palate wet...
For those who follow my twitter feed, either here on the blog or via twitter, I promised a blog post that has yet to be debuted. As I said, it is forthcoming. Honestly, I think I'm still grappling with how I feel about it. As are all my posts, this one is very important to me and I really want it to be great. Anyhow, give me about a week and by then I should have no excuse as to why the post isn't there!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
truly useless?
Today is going to be a double header, since it's been so long since i've blogged. I was on twitter today with a vengeance, for reasons that will not be disclosed, and while looking through my timeline, I saw an article on Clutch Magazine (clutchmagonline.com) titled "I Have A Useless Degree". Now keep in mind, I'm writing this post before reading the actual article so I do not know with certainty what the article says, but of course, with a title like that, one can guess. Anyway, just reading the title got me to thinking about my degree. For those of you who do not know, the official title of my major is Conservation and Resource Studies and the emphasis is Environmental Development and Urban Welfare which you can read about here. Briefly, I studied and continue to study the lack of green spaces in communities of color and how this lack manifests in economic, social, and educational spheres. After reading the article title, my first thought was "no degree is useless" and then I began to think back on some conversations I've had since graduating with friends and family.
The question of what are you going to do with that major really set in and began to be asked more and more of family and of myself. The ultimate question I had to ask myself is, is this degree actually useless? Does anyone else care about this? And finally, how can I make them? To think that your degree is useless is to misunderstand what it actually means. It's always been my belief that your major, and your grades do not define what you know nor do they depict who you are. Yes, I do believe that hard science majors, and math-based majors do have a more directed path for post-undergrad life than humanities majors, but I disagree that either is better than the other. I've heard many times, of people who have degrees in something completely unrelated to what they do, and what they love; I think my degree is wholly reflective of just that. I love my community, and all that I do works towards bettering these communities. However, I do not yet have a job nor do I have a delineated path of how to get where I want to go, but I would never feel justified or correct in saying that my degree is useless.
College nurtured my thinking and critical reasoning, encouraged me to ask the right questions and challenge institutions. I did not go to college to get a job, I had a job in high school. I went to college to learn more about myself and how my talents and ideas would help to shape the world as it is into a world that exists as it should. The person that left college is a person that is equipped with the mindset and the challenge of contributing positively to this world in efforts of creating a new one. Because I am not bound by what my degree says, but instead by what I learned through it, there has been nothing useless about my college career. I charge you to think about what you learned in college, what you held on to, and what challenged you the most. Take your experiences and your knowledge and use it, as Tim Gunn would say, "make it work"
The question of what are you going to do with that major really set in and began to be asked more and more of family and of myself. The ultimate question I had to ask myself is, is this degree actually useless? Does anyone else care about this? And finally, how can I make them? To think that your degree is useless is to misunderstand what it actually means. It's always been my belief that your major, and your grades do not define what you know nor do they depict who you are. Yes, I do believe that hard science majors, and math-based majors do have a more directed path for post-undergrad life than humanities majors, but I disagree that either is better than the other. I've heard many times, of people who have degrees in something completely unrelated to what they do, and what they love; I think my degree is wholly reflective of just that. I love my community, and all that I do works towards bettering these communities. However, I do not yet have a job nor do I have a delineated path of how to get where I want to go, but I would never feel justified or correct in saying that my degree is useless.
College nurtured my thinking and critical reasoning, encouraged me to ask the right questions and challenge institutions. I did not go to college to get a job, I had a job in high school. I went to college to learn more about myself and how my talents and ideas would help to shape the world as it is into a world that exists as it should. The person that left college is a person that is equipped with the mindset and the challenge of contributing positively to this world in efforts of creating a new one. Because I am not bound by what my degree says, but instead by what I learned through it, there has been nothing useless about my college career. I charge you to think about what you learned in college, what you held on to, and what challenged you the most. Take your experiences and your knowledge and use it, as Tim Gunn would say, "make it work"
painted black
I've been sitting on an idea for a while and in light of recent interviews and a realization of where my life is headed career-wise, I thought it was time to share this piece that I've been holding onto. I've always wondered how we live and operate in a world that is driven by relationships and who you know, how people can care only about themselves and decide to exist and to do for their own good. It is my belief that relationship building helps to realize the power behind each person or community or entity and also helps to realize our own power as an individual and as a group of like-minded individuals. It is my belief that it is time to transform this realization into a mindset, a way of thinking which I express here as "painted black".
I'm calling it a painted black mentality because of the tendency of the color black to overshadow and cover any other color, to the point where one would never know another ever existed. However, black is noted as an amalgamation of many colors. This blog is dedicated to the personal goal of the individual to make themselves responsible for the world around them. It is my idea that once individuals take responsibility not only for themselves, but also for the entities around them, neighborhoods, communities, and countries will see restoration and wealth that is unmarked by categorical bias.
The general idea that continues to push forth is that once our desire for mutual growth and sustenance is achieved, when our minds are painted black with this desire, we will see change. A mind that is painted black only produces thoughts and actions that are uniquely representative of the altruism that resides within us. It is my belief that it is time for each individual to give, to will, and to do for others as they would hope to receive themselves. This is an idea that I strive to navigate daily and subscribe to my life, I would hope that you would do as little as consider the idea to create better circumstances for yourself and those around you.
I'm calling it a painted black mentality because of the tendency of the color black to overshadow and cover any other color, to the point where one would never know another ever existed. However, black is noted as an amalgamation of many colors. This blog is dedicated to the personal goal of the individual to make themselves responsible for the world around them. It is my idea that once individuals take responsibility not only for themselves, but also for the entities around them, neighborhoods, communities, and countries will see restoration and wealth that is unmarked by categorical bias.
The general idea that continues to push forth is that once our desire for mutual growth and sustenance is achieved, when our minds are painted black with this desire, we will see change. A mind that is painted black only produces thoughts and actions that are uniquely representative of the altruism that resides within us. It is my belief that it is time for each individual to give, to will, and to do for others as they would hope to receive themselves. This is an idea that I strive to navigate daily and subscribe to my life, I would hope that you would do as little as consider the idea to create better circumstances for yourself and those around you.
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